Strange occurances at Candler Park Festival...
I do free robot and monster drawings at these shows, and was hunched over my easel working on a robot who is ashamed of his one tiny claw, when I heard a brief but savage dog noise. Somewhere between a bark, a growl, and a Kodiak Bear. It was over as soon as it started, and I never looked up. People bring tons of dogs to these festivals, and it's not surprising to hear the occasional "HAY, OTHER DOG! YOU'RE TOO CLOSE! I DON'T LIKE THAT!" type bark.
After a while, I was taking a break when Allen asked if I'd seen the dog skirmish. I dismissed her with a "Yeah, yeah, I heard it." She told me one dog had suddenly just jumped all over a nice older dog for no reason. Yep, yep.. that's what it sounded like. I thought about a better way to hang paintings on the walls of the tent. "And the guy who had the mean dog? He just kept on walking. He didn't stop and
apologize, he just walked off with his dog as if nothing had happened."
"Oh yeah... that sucks." I was using nails on the back, to get them to hand on the
netting. Maybe I could get some plastic hooks?
"And then, right in front of the health food booth, somebody called out, "Hey lady, your
dog's missing an ear!" Allen told me.
Or, I could just put some Velcro on them or something. Nod, nod. "There was a crowd of people looking for the ear, but they couldn't find it. There was blood everyplace."
Wait, what? "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?"
Apparently, they never did find the ear. I'm sure the health food booth attendants were horrified. None of the lentil soups or pirate booty really went well with Dog ear, or any of the blood that had splashed all over, or their spinning "Wheel of Health Food" display. "Oh that? Why, that's just beet juice! With some.. pieces of.. WAIT COME BACK! TECHNICALLY CARTILAGE ISN'T MEAT!"
So, after missing that event, I felt pretty gypped. I went for a walk to see if I could find any more "NO HOLDS BARRED" festival events. Before long, I noticed that the older guy walking in front of me had a bird on his shoulder. The bird was letting out loud chirps every few seconds. I had never actually seen a person
attempt to take a bird out anyplace like that, and it was a pretty exciting sight. Probably not quite as exciting as hearing the words "Hey lady, you're dog's missing an ear!" but in my mind it was, because I was trying to compensate.
I started imagining what the bird-guy must be like. He's probably this kindly grandfather character. He must be an animal lover, because he carries his beloved bird with him everywhere. I also surmised that he had lots of patience, because people must ask him the same questions wherever he goes: "What kind of bird is that? Does he bite? Do you take him with you everywhere? How did you train him to do that?" All these questions would be answered with a wink and a smile, as if it were the first time anyone had ever asked him. Maybe the bird talked, as well as chirped. Maybe he taught it?
If I had a bird that could talk, I would spend hours training him to say things like "Seventeen paces from Taco Mac, then DIG!" then I would glare at him and hiss "SHUT UP! YOU'VE SAID TOO MUCH ALREADY!!!"
Eventually, I noticed that a small group of ten year old girls were blocking his path. They were crowding around the funnel cake they were sharing, and not paying attention to whether they were blocking traffic or not because little kids never think of things like that. Kids think things like, "Oh man... I love this funnel cake so much. I hope one day I marry someone who makes funnel cake EVERY DAY!"
Bird guy stopped in front of the girls. This was going to be cute. They were going to ask the bird's name, and he would do a little animal demonstration. Maybe the bird would say something like "Pieces of eight where the "Now" light glows..." and the girls would run to their respective parents and insist they be taken to a Krispy Kreme immediately.
"Hey. Gimme some of that funnel cake!" Hmm. It SOUNDED like Brian Doyle Murray, but it was coming from that nice, grandfatherly bird-lover. Weird.
The girls looked at one another. "Whaaat?" one said in a tiny voice.
"Gimmie some of that. It's... it's for the bird."
The girls kept looking to one another for a hint as to what to do. Each of them hoped that maybe one of the others knew what to do when a strange old character actor with a bird comes up and demands that he get some of your food, but they were all in the same boat. Years of watching cartoons and collecting stickers had not
prepared any of them for this occurrence.
The bird guy got a little louder. "Come on, gimmie some. Not a lot, just a tiny piece. It's for him!" he growled, gesturing towards the bird.
One of the girls spoke up. "Nooooo?" Was no an option? Is it okay to say no? Let's
try it and see what happens.
"Come on, just give me a piece!"
Well, this was getting out of hand. I felt bad for the poor little girls. I also I felt bad for anyone who was witnessing an old man shouting "Give me a piece" to these adolescent girls. I felt I needed to step in and help calm things down.
"Hey now," I said, in my most helpful tone. "Give him a crumb! I want to see that bird eat some funnel cake." I really did. I missed out on the dog ear thing, and I didn't want to miss being able to tell Allen that I saw a bird eat some girls' funnel cake AND SHE DIDN'T. IN YOUR FACE, ALLEN!
The girls started looking confused. They were thinking about it, and their resolve was clearly waning. None of them wanted to give away the communal treat without getting some sort of sign that everyone was in agreement that it was okay.
It was too late. The bird guy started walking off. He started shouting over his shoulder, "No, NO. I don't want it now. I see how it is, you're just a bunch of selfish girls! I certainly don't want funnel cake from any SELFISH LITTLE GIRLS!"
We all stood there in shock and amazement. What had just happened here. The girls looked at me for some sort of bookmark to the event. An adult to tell them that they did the right thing, and yeah, that old man was crazy.
Before I could say anything, Bird guy turned around one more time. With each word, his finger stabbed out towards each one of them. "SELFISH! LITTLE! GIRLS!" We sat in silence for a second.then I shrugged and wandered away to find a barbecue sandwich.

Thanks to Davis for taking this picture, so I don't have to suspect that maybe I dreamt the whole weird thing.
The rest of the show was great. I got to see the newlyweds
note: I will be at the Avondale Fall Fest this weekend! Come by and say "hi"!







